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Aspirational packing list: Sundress, sandals, beach hat, bathing suit. Pile of books. It is the books that makes the bag so heavy.

Actual packing list: Sundress, sandals, beach hat, bathing suit (not the little black Dior string bikini you wore in the South of France, the one with the tiny gold C and D dangling from the bikini bottom strings at your tan hips, but the big black one piece – the one that is neither high cut nor low cut nor cut-out), socks, underwear (cute ones and big, ugly period ones), bras (pretty ones, wide, stretchy exercise ones), pants, t-shirts, books (one beach read, one classic, one avant-garde thing you may try and discard if it doesn’t work), body cream, lip gloss, melatonin, Ambien, vitamins, sunblock, face creams (all 7 – the lifter, toner, the zit stick, etc.), toothpaste, dental floss, charged electric toothbrush, eyedrops, foot salves, emergency medical kit, feminine hygiene products, razor, rain gear, hiking gear, sex things, dog things, hair things (hair cleaners, holders, de-frizzers, tweezers), house keys, magazines, print-outs of work projects, airplane snacks, photo ID.

Also: Laptop and laptop charger, iPad and iPhone and iPad and iPhone chargers, the little white thing that connects the phone to the headphones, oh, headphones, the thing for the car that cradles the phone, the iPad keyboard charger adapter, movies downloaded for the plane, ebooks downloaded for walking, podcast list, Amazon password, bank password, Netflix password, Google account password.


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